autumnyte:

combination-nc:

autumnyte:

I am in full support of f/f. I love a number of those pairings, and I wish there were more of them. But any potential good message in the original post got lost for me amidst the following:

“This does not seem right, and I know a few things that are worse, and YES I am looking at all the gay women out there that play gay men everywhere and only ship the gay men and go gaga over the gay men. By all means, play what you want and what you enjoy, but by only supporting m/m pairings you are screwing yourselves over for acceptance in this community. You are lesbians and have the right to be lesbians and RP women loving women all over the place.

This is a fantasy world filled with fantasy people, and you aught to feel comfortable to express your true self in it. And you aught to be able to explore all of the varied types of expressions of love out there, not just m/m love or m/f love.”

Frankly, I am a queer woman with a complex history of sexual abuse and I happen to have some triggers around reading descriptions that eroticize female bodies. Admittedly, I gravitate toward reading and writing m/m pairings for that reason. It isn’t about ‘not feeling comfortable expressing my true self’. 

Of course, I support diversity in pairings and think the lack of f/f is a shame, but I really bristle at calling out and villifying anyone for the characters they choose to write or RP. 

I will RP and write whatever I want, and I don’t think I should have to justify that to anyone.

I absolutely do not think you should have to justify it, either. People like different things, and what one likes to RP doesn’t necessarily have something to do with ones “true self”. I mean… sometimes I just want to have fun and well, play, and I think that’s true for some other people as well. But I have noticed a lot of opinions that is that… f/f isn’t “real sex”, so there are people who think like that and RP as m/m for that reason, and that makes me sad - that f/f isn’t considered as “real”. I’m not sure how common it is, but I see it every now and then and it just makes me sad.

I have some triggers as well, about erotic descriptions of a woman’s body, so I can understand and relate to that, even if I don’t react in the exact same way.

So if I were to find someone to RP f/f with (helloo Isabela/Merrill), I would have to seriously go through exactly what triggers me so everyone involved would be clear on that.

So in short, my beef with rejecting f/f is when it’s done because someone consider it’s less real (which happen way too often). When something is preferred for a reason other than that, I don’t mind, people should have fun with what they think is fun and what makes them feel good!

Absolutely. I’ve seen a number of conversations about f/f that are highly problematic. Implying that it’s somehow inferior or less real makes me furious. What’s worse is when it gets ignored all together, another sadly common happening. It’s as if m/m and m/f are the only game in town. 

To clarify, I most definitely ship f/f. Isabela/Merrill is one of my OTPs. But I do not personally extensively write or RP the pairing for the reasons mentioned above.

Anyway, I agree this is an important conversation. I’d just like us to have it without language that shames one another for our preferences.

Please allow me a moment to apologize and clarify a few things, because you’re right, and reading through my reblogs has educated me as to how horrible I sounded when I wrote the original.

I stand by the basic gist of my post - I still feel that people aught to be able to explore all of the varied types of expressions of love out there, and that all forms of love should be expressed, be it m/m, f/f, m/f or any combination of pairing that includes trans* individuals. However, the paragraphs in question were especially problematic, and I really should have worded what I meant to say a bit better, or not at all.

It has been my experience from the few RP games that I have been in, that the women who prefer relationships with women in real life are made to feel uncomfortable for RPing those preferences in games. There have been several times where I, or a friend, or a friend of a friend have tried to start f/f RP up and have been shamed or left out of RP because of it, and this was the behaviour I was trying to point to. I will admit that the majority of this has been experienced outside the DA fandom, but I have seem some similar issues inside the Bioware fandom as a whole, which is why I originally addressed the post there.

Often times in games like this (that I have seen, and I HAVE seen girls do this), women who are gay who wish to RP gay relationships then turn to m/m, since the communities I have been in seem to somehow find it ‘more acceptable’. I don’t think that’s how it should be. People should feel comfortable to write f/f if they prefer f/f.

The point I was trying to make with all of that was just that… if people want the RP community to change, the way to get them to do that isn’t to back down and start writing m/m if that person really wants to be writing f/f. It was not at all meant to discourage lesbians from writing m/m at all, so much as to encourage them to stop allowing themselves to be made to feel uncomfortable about writing f/f if they want to.

I said that in the worst possible and even hypocritical way, because I was mainly trying to say that people should feel comfortable to write what they want to, and I did it by pointing at people who write m/m. The way I worded it was just awful, and you have every right to call me out on that shit.

Of course if I want the RP community to change, I shouldn’t go throwing around shaming language either, and I admit that I was wrong for using it in the first place. And you’re right, you shouldn’t have even had to explain yourself.

Please accept my apology on this. You have taught me a lot, and those who reblogged you as well. I am not sure how this tumblr stuff works, but I hope that some of the others who have been chatting with you will see this apology as well.